The longings have returned again,the fantasies.For awhile I thought that perhaps
 they had gone for good, (and were somewhat relieved) but they are returning. Slowly, like a waking beast I have

felt the desires begin to form and build, ebbing and flowing.A week now and I have formed several small obsessive

crushes issuing fantasies that are without limit. I get caught up in them, staring into space. My devious thoughts

cause me to grin and it is hard to hide it from those around me. I seek the comfort of my own company, where I can

be alone with my thoughts .
   The fantasies usually start when my psychic sense picks up pheremonal changes in others around me. Many people

form crushes on me, a side effect of such beauty. I pick up on them and reciprocate with one person or another who

appeals to me for whatever reason. A smile, an ocular connection that sparked or just anything at all. Male  or

female, rich or poor, cute or ugly, young or old. 
    Scenarios begin to unfold in my head, play themselves out again and again and feed me, give me sustenance.

Because the person I fantasice about it is  already attracted to me naturally, it makes the game better, sending

electric shocks of pleasure to me  when I see them in a normal setting and his eyes linger on mine a half a second

longer, or her hand brushes the crumbs from my shirtfront a little too longly.I can feel the energy and it drives

me wild, I can read their thoughts and my clairvoyant mind vibrates with frenzy.  These miniscule moments of shared

intimacy are enough to trigger off a whole new set of fantasies and scenarios to peruse and think about over

absinthe in the dark, looking out at the night sky silently. They’re forbidden, they will never ever come

true,musnt, so why does that mean I cannot fantasize of them anyway, rapture in them, receive secret hidden

thrills? . These little delusions give me pleasure othes could not feel or even  revel in? I a lucky to feel them ,

it would be a sin to deny myself the addictive raptures I tell myself. I sigh . So it begins again. I am victim to

my mind and its desires and the ons it triggers in my responsive human body.

    I can see the same ache in him, the same need. He is the same,has the same weaknesses as me. We smoke and

exchange glances because it is all we can do.I wonder what he would look like in candlelight and immediately make a

note to visualise that later. We exchange another glance and laugh, because it is all we can do. Everything else is

forbidden. But the look is in his eye ,and the look was in mine.
   You’ve been all over, and it’s be all over you.Wordly and wise , you’re  a fully mature woman in all facets and

dimensions. Especially in sexuality.And very beautiful, catching every man and womans eye on the street, the latter

sneering. What is wrong with you that you have such bizarre and improper cravings ? What would you want with another

woman or a stranger or an 18 year old foreign boy ?And worse things. How can you desire these things? How can you spend a day visualising such indecencies ? I don’t know…. and so the fantasies are enough , they have to be . This is what I tell myself. When the fantasies 

come, this is always what I tell myself!

 _______

___

    So I am living in California now for winter. I’ve retained my lakehouse in Il, and will return to it when the spring sun warms the muddy clean inland water. I have to cautiously admit I am doing very ver well. (knock on wood). I do not know how I have done so well, but I’ve got a great place here,with full health insurance for first time ever. I’ve got savings and yay! Life is good right now.

     I have so many stories to tell you, but I must go pick oranges for breakfast. Ill be in OC until spring, but im coming for a Chicago Tour October 15th. Please email me if you would like to see me, I am very low volume now and my dance card has almost filled itself out, hence the now announcing tour. I LOVE to know I am missed and needed! Here, there and everywhere… talk to you soon I promise!

see my clips at http://www.clips4sale.com/31122 !!!

remeber to search this blog for “free video clips” to see me , gratis!!!:) xoxo

    I am always dumbfuckled by the people who fear  I were talking about them, or sick of them,when in fact it is not even thought of …..

  Just a one time client years ago guys NOT YOU …. chillax…LOL ( i have just been off internet alot more of recent if i havent got bac  to you yet )

      Today I am actually going to try and get some photos done, have N take them . I am still dreading that dinner we had with a former friend, whose eyes convey every fleeting thought of his and summed them all up upon me..ugh it sux being psychic sometimes!

   Other than that , I am off antique shopping today ! I would love an antique brooch . Nothing better than a woman picking out her own personalised jewelry, not one of a box of thirty meant for every hooker on the earth….lol  I am dynamic dammit:)

  It is foggy this morning, I will go watch it roll in off the pier,enjoy my surroundings. I just love Ca….Next week back to wilderness!

Absinthe. Not the crappy American knockoff, but the heady, strong Spanish kind. The taste of the wormwood wraps

itself around my tongue in spirals and as I swallow it I feel a near religious reverance, my breath immediately

deepening and my eyes opening and seeing. My second thimble full I declined the melted sugarcube and mixed just

enough water to turn the amber water milky and sat back pleased and watched it swirl, already enlightened and

excited from the mildy hallucinogenic  drink. I take pleasure in drinking it the way I take pleasure in my own body of recent, and

I salivate and tingle and I sip it slowly and feel it burn down into me.It meets with the warmth between my thighs.
    
          I sit in the backyard and let the clamour of the city vibrate around me softly, the immenisty of the ocean

surrounding me. Thanks to  the absinthe, I feel older and euphoric. I see through the wood fence a neighbor has

movedm in next door and sensing my eyes on his Bronzed Mediterranean skin he turned smiling and with hand extended

walked to the fence and thrust it through at me. After I told him I was not Mrs Pizzanelli, he seemed immensely

relieved and joined me at the pool without asking. I prefered that, sometimes I like it when a man doesn’t talk.

There wasa hum between us, a hum as strong as the pulsating hum of the city and I wondered if I could take such

selfish pleasure with a neighbour. The thought of random lovemaking with a random someone has always enthralled

me.He asked me once quizically after my soft lies, you are sure you are not little girl? I smile  reach out and

squeeze his thigh, caught in the moment, my heart in my throat. Once glance into his hazel eyes let me know he felt

the same and soon we were naked on the ground protected behind heavy wood fence, me entwined with this dark man who

would make  me scream with pleasure as the city throbbed around us and the palm trees swayed in the constant salt

sea breeze that is southern california…….
   His skin would be  sumptuous softness pressed agaisnt me, him afraid to unrobe …So I did it for him. It must

of been his age, or mine. Button by button sleeve by sleeve I unveiled his amber skin and pressed my lips to his

skin, breathing in his scent. I reached my soft delicate hand down to his sex, noticing no signs of virility in him

but his sex and took it in my inquisitive palm and felt it all around, felt it stiffen in my hands. He moaned and

arched jerked as I moved my curious fingers around and then he threw me back on the beachbed, rather roughly in

fact. I liked it. Nothign was rough about the way he touched me, though he ripped my clothes off with ferocity. He

was staring at my lips and draping his weight over me and his right hand began to rub my sex in a circular motion

at the nub on top until I felt myself grow wet and swell slightly and my nipples tingled and as if he heard them he

took one in his mouth and licked it, then began tugging on it with his mouth. I moaned with newfound pleasure as

the city outside and below echoed its busy sounds around us . He reached a hand lower and inserted an index finger

into my tight opening and I squirmed around it. Twisting it so his tip pointed up, he began to slide it in and

out while pressing upwards. Something inside me spasmed and as he added a second finger back to my engorged nub in

a rhythmyic patter I screamed an buried my fingers in his flesh as pleasure rocketed through my entire being. It

lasted forever.Like the first bite of summers juicy strawberry. 
  When he pushed into me I felt something break and felt warmth run out onto my thigh. But nothing hurt, and I was

there with him, locked in love,orgasmining again and again. All we did was love. When he rolled onto his back

breathless, I was hungry for more and grabbed his large hand and put it over my moist pink mound.
    Later I would stand naked in the tub as he gently sponged the blood frommy thighs and asked me if it hurt. I

said it did not. He asked how old I was . I lied and then put a hand in his silky hair. He was much older and thats

why I wanted him. I was a girl full of sexual longings. I pulled his head down towards my newly ravished sex and

closed my eyes in anticipation of his tongue … ***

**ggs quote of the day *** I wish people werent as see through as saran wrap.It ruins any exchanges I might have with them. For instance, a man I only had one appt with years ago wrote me out of the blue the other day this long letter, acting interested and as if he were catching up… I followed my gut and didn’t reply.. it didnt feel genuine. The true nature of his letter revealed  itsel when a girl (very sweet one too   wrote and asked for a reference. His letter was not a big letter for me, it was a washy letter fullof flattery and compliments meant to steer me towards referencing him when he went to see another girl. Another guy(ex SD) with bleeding blue eyes was staring at me bizarre since the East Coast,so on the West Coast when he went pshycho and then explained it away with a newly materialised disorder I only smiled.  Like I am now.Like I always do . Anytime you see me, I’m smiling. I wonder if that is a disorder.

My hair is light golden brown with magenta highlights, my nails are all done and I’ve donned my mellow SoCal attitude. Had a fallout with a friend, I had a psychic premonition it would happen and alas all good things must end. Such is life!

 I will post pictures tomorrow , my coupon addicted gf is taking them! Hi Scott g!

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     Believe me, the things she told me preceding that were far more horriffic and aimed home, towards a dead child. But ever since then I have been getting weird emails from all over the state of illinois, all rural areas asking me all sorts of things from ‘how much for an appt’ to some so blatant as “whats ur address” . Of course I am retired, not around ” them parts” and ignored them all or pleasantly declined. Now I am getting a bunch of crossdresser men, writing from childrens hospitals and such, wanting me to do “makeover sessions” and such.

   I dont do any sessions. Legal, or illegal. I make online adult films. Thats the extent. And by God yes, I am licensed for that, even have a 2257 . This woman is maniacal and diabolically evil, so I am sure she is the root of it with her deviousness. Delusional she is always conspiring to get someone in trouble for something. She’s a bit of an addict also. The stupid thing is she only knows what she’s been told of my yesteryears in LA and Chicago, she knows me not personally and has no clue I have a real job, pay taxes and yada , yada.And of course this woman has the iq of a houseplant , and the girth of a propane tank….. I am posting this because if you are a victim or friend of this delusional tub of lard PHeather I tell you to go away now, I dont “work” or accept appointments and if i were so inclined to do so it would not be amongst the rural plains of Illinois with farm hands. ( no offense farm hands) .I’ve world traveled.  I’d totally Heidi Fleiss it ya know?  What a stupid bitch always bothering everyone.

                    Anyway, I am headed out to OC for two weeks in the morning. A week and a half in LA and the rest within my beloved San ! I cant wait to see my bff and goddaughter and the rolling hills that lead to sea! I received an iphone 4 in the mail for my bday! I AM SO STOKED>… I’ve got such good karma, good things are always happening to me( despite occassional clumsy mishap ). I am in tune with the world. Those who practise deception and lies are bound to get theirs sooner than later, depending on karmic balance……

sunkissed skin so hot ill melt your popsicle

Chek out my latest clips and videos for sale at :

double click  the phrase above and then repeat to see a free preview !More at  http://www.clips4sale.com/31122 there is a longer and sexier preview there. Make sure and watch for my new blog releases on http://www.ggsplayground.com .

remember you may search this blog anytime for “free video clips to see alot of them!” xoxox

p.s. I have been getting lots of email recently from all sorts of people wanting to meet up.. I dont meet in person , sorry. I always have time to talk to an old friend though ; oxoxo

 Me and N are going to embroider underwear!

(I’m talking about greedy “family” members ..lol)

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      I need to get to work and write blogs for my other site. I have also taken a professional job in the “corporate  world”  and will be in transit more.I have the job I always wanted, minus the extra years of expensive college. I’ve reached a summit; conquered the unconquerable. My desires revolve around one now, just as the sun and the moon.